Originally published on March 24, 2020
Waiting in God
“Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.” Rom. 8:18 NLT
I love words. I love how the writing process takes the chaos of the world and slowly brings it into focus, into a cohesive and purposeful whole. However, I find that this revelation through writing happens in a cyclical process. While the beautiful understanding of God’s intention is the grand finale, the process always starts in a place of incredible uncertainty, unrest, and doubt. In that beginning stage of scattered questioning, there are no words.
In the current circumstances, I find myself without words. There is no revelation, no epiphany, no perspective of God’s grand purpose. It feels like life has just dumped a huge box of Legos in front of me with no set of step-by-step instructions. I know that all of these bits and fragments will come together to create something, but I have no idea what.
I sift through the different pieces, surprised by the wide variety. There are pieces of worry: financial strain, career insecurity, and health questions. There are pieces of loss: missed opportunities, relationships put on hold, dreams left unrealized. There are pieces of gratitude: thanks for things that I never considered luxuries in the past, a constant counting of blessings that were unnoticed right before my eyes for far too long. There are pieces of guilt: wondering why my circumstances are not as affected as those of others. There are pieces of insignificance: being too small to control anything and unsure how to help those around me. There are pieces of faith: knowing that God has a plan and longing to rest in His peace. There are pieces of joy: getting to spend quality time with my family and find happiness in the simple things. There are pieces of anger: wondering why things like this happen. There are pieces of fear: dreading what the news will be tomorrow and how our world will look when all of this is over. This pile of pieces in front of me represents a staggering and perplexing range.
I have no idea how all of these pieces are going to fit together, how they will ever be compiled into some kind of intentional creation. But I have seen God repeat this cycle in my life enough times to trust that He has a final design in mind. Over and over I have seen God dump the pieces in front of me and slowly assemble them one connection at a time. Never has He left a single piece unused. Never has He wasted a single moment of the journey. In the end, the masterpiece He builds is always worth the long and painful process of figuring out why each piece is necessary. I don’t have the words today. I can’t see what God is forming in these uncertain times. But I know that He is working, and I know our present suffering is not worth comparing to the glory that He will reveal. So I will sit patiently, sifting through the pieces, handing them over to God one at a time in surrender, and watching Him snap them together, slowly unveiling His will.